I just read a tweet made by a Swedish journalist:
"- My American visit was so fascinated by all the "gay nannies" in Sweden. I explained that it´s the children´s fathers"
This makes me wonder about some things:
- So, in America, all men who are our with their children are "gay nannies"?
- And why is a man who takes care of children "gay"?
- Is there no father´s in America who are at home with their children?
Hmmm...I am happy I live in Sweden where fathers are at home with their children too;=)
ENJOY this saturday!!
America is very divided on this subject right now. Gay rights are a huge topic, and there are still some areas of the U.S. where this is a completely new idea to some. A lot of people who object to these things are ignorant to any other way of life other than their own.
I know of many dads who stay home and take care of the kids while the mom is out working. And I know of many that share this task equally. But there are still some who think that the woman's "place" is to stay home with the children while the men do the working.
These are things that as an American, I get really bothered by. I know the world's perception of us is getting worse and worse because lots of people are afraid to change their viewpoints. It makes me sad!
-Desi from Missouri USA
In America most people seem to have a strange attitude towars religion and sexuality. They´re so very old-fashioned there... There´s Christian blogs in the internet from Americam authors that still say homosexuality is a sin, an illness. There´s so many people over there believing that there´s "women´s work" like cleaning, cooking, taking care for the children, and "men´s work" like, you know, bringing money in. It´s so incredibly stupid...
A man who takes his time for his children is not a lesser man but a better man, a better father than those who consider children to be "women´s work".
But enough anger for this morning, I shall think. My day started so nice with an article in our town newspaper on my breakfast plate (it said mainly that Ville Valo considers Germans and Finns to be very similar because both love beer, and I had to laugh so hard at this, it really cheered me up xD I am not used to read about HIM in a "normal" newspaper) that I don´t want to start pondering about all the bad things in life.
I wish you and your family a very pleasant saturday!
"Gay nannies"? Really? That sounds old. Here in Spain it's also becoming normal that fathers look after their kids. Some years ago it was only women who did that, but nowadays when you go out you can see many daddies taking their children for a walk.
As for the gay families, I hope in some years it will be completely normal that a gay couple has kids...
America seems to be very conservative, can't say Australia seems that much better with this sort of thing. The issue seems to be the rigidness of gender roles, so the 1950s bullshit of where the woman stays home and the man works, that sort of rubbish, and I've definitely noticed that a lot of straight guys seem to assume that anything that can be perceived as a feminine quality in a man makes him apparently 'gay'.... I'd like to think most people get past this sort of thinking, it is just so damn juvenile...
But of course it's lovely to see fathers staying home and spending time with their children :)
But jeez the whole view of supposedly masculine in some places is just screwed up, it definitely is in Australia too....
Anyway I'll shut up before I get too ranty, I've been ranty and bitchy all day (my best friend thought it was fun haha)
Have a lovely day Anette ;)
Also out of curiosity, in Australia there's are issues with misogyny and homophobia, I am aware that Sweden seems to be lightyears ahead of us, but is there is still an underlying problem of it with a minority of people?
Anyway, have a great day Nettie xo
I cant understand this. I think it is important for a child to spend time with its father. And I cant find a negative thing because fathers shouldnt take care of their childrens. It is a right of a father to spend time with their childrens.
Happy that it was normal for my father to spend time with me and my sister.
Have a great saturday!
You bring up a great point. America is very, very backwards. If a man shows any kindness, affection, or interest in his children, then that somehow makes him less than a man. And if a woman works hard for her family and has to be away from home sometimes, that makes her a bad mother. It's so messed up.
It's different in my culture, but my culture only makes up a small part of America. (That still feels weird, because we've been here the longest.) Sweden sounds much better... I am happy that you and your mate share responsibility with the children!
Anette, as an American and a father I can honestly say I have never heard the term "gay nannies" in my life! The only thing I can surmise from that is this person is a very conservative "old school" jerk who has a hard time with any change. I will say that traditionally some 30+ years ago the man of the house was expected to be the sole provider and went off to work while mom stayed home with the kids. This started changing years ago for two reasons- womens rights came about and economic necessity. Some old thinking men cannot let the old times go and probably percieve that a man who is with his kids at home is not providing and thus not doing his duty as a man. If he is conservative like this he probably bigoted against gay people and perceives them as weak, so that's what caused him to use that term. Thanks to our healthcare costs and our refusal to make the weathy and corporations pay as much as the common man (due to all our politicians being bought off) most fathers and mothers now HAVE to work. I have three jobs and love and cherish every moment with my kids! And it pisses me off that this jerk is out there making the majority of us look bad. I wish I knew who this guy is so I could dare him to come up to my face and call me a gay nanny for being with my kids! We have ALOT of people here so your going to get all types, but I assure you the vast majority of fathers here would love to spend every moment they can with their kids!! I would love to go on..but this has gone on too long already and most have probably stopped reading by now :-). Just couldn't let this guy represent all the good men here in the USA.
Must be from Arkansas. Only explanation that makes sense.
Because it´s still a "women´s job" the peoples´minds.
I am an male educator by myself an in Germany we are still a rarity because nobody wants to make it. And everybody is in wonderment when they hear that there is a man who takes care for children.
And I also had to get to hear "gay", "pussy", "it´s not a job for men" and even "it´s NOT A JOB either, it´s singing and playing the whole day"
...Stupid people...Cannot discribe them better.
The less people can handle even some hours with a group of children who are screaming, crying and fighting all day long. They cannot even imagine what educators had to do day by day. They think children learn things linke maths, social behaviour, values and so on in passing.
Next year I wanted to to an au pair-year in America. But now I am not quiete sure if I get a job there after your post
In many places it’s the mothers’ job to take care of children. I’m not surprised that in America it’s the same.
In my country the situation has got better recently but still not as good as in Sweden. I’ve read a lot about your system and I know you all take it naturally that both parents have equal rights and duties when it comes to children. Where I live, it’s not the thing. Only mothers are expected to do the housework and be with the little or bigger ones. Ok, there are exceptions and as I said it’s getting better but it is still unusually to see a father with his son/daughter.
But what the saddest thing in all this is that fathers’ excuses are not always about work. They don’t feel the need that they should be with their children. It’s naturally for them not to take care of them. As for me, I almost never saw my father though his job was a kind of ‘lazy’ one, which allows you to be at home. My only memory of him is that I play with my cars and traffic signs putting them nicely together according to my ‘system’ and then he comes in the room and destroys everything shouting at me. I was very angry because I’d done it for hours. (No wonder I loved cars at that time.)
When my sister was born, most of the time it was me who took care of her and played with her. I’m much older than her so it was like having an own daughter for me. =)
I’m glad that in your family everything goes well. For me it’s always strange to see your photos of the family all together. =) Keep it that way.
Happy Saturday to you,
Självklart är män som tar hand om sina barn absolut inte gay, det var bland det dummaste jag hört. Men jag tror de ser det så eftersom USA har betydligt annorlunda regler än Sverige när det kommer till föräldraledighet. Mammor får bara vara hemma med sina barn i ett par månader, sedan måste de anlita en nanny eller säga upp sig från jobbet, medan papporna inte har någon rätt till föräldraledighet alls, såvida de inte säger upp sig från jobbet de oxå, men då räknas det inte som föräldraledighet, utan som arbetslöshet. Sjuka regler, men så är det, vad jag fattat det som.
So strange... haven't even progressed yet what I've read from this journalist..
Have a nice day, Anette!
for me are americans sometime really strange people.:/
They say they are progressive, but hold on to old "values" fixed. As the women supposed to have been at home with the children and to make the budget. And the man should put a nice life.
Anerderseits they also say a woman is to make career, but always be there for the family.?
As far as I've noticed it.
And seem to have a kind of gay always pretty to look after children.
But you'd have to know where this woman grew up. Noticed that she has such a confused world. When you consider what strange laws in America are, where you can shake your head just as Europeans.
In Germany is already rethinking underway. Now fathers bleiden at home. Anette you are lucky that you live in Sweden, its already there are more;). I wonder if Johan is already very nervous because of the baby?;)
My day started unfortunately not as hoped. I woke up and had terrible neck pain. After two pain pills I had several times handed over. Then I had to get terrible headaches. But after two hours of sleep was all swept away, and as for me to feel better.
Have a beautiful Saturday, Anette and your little Family:)
Hello dear Anette,
I can't speak for the USA but here in Québec, Canada we do see a lot of dads tatking care of their children. There is even a trend were fathers stay home when the mother has the big job if we can say. :P I see only good in a father taking care of his kids and it seems pretty normal to me. :) Nothing " gay " about it.
Big hug to you Anette and have a great day!
Jag var också positivt överraskad när jag såg att pappaledighet var så populär i Sverige. Tyvärr finns det fortfarande för många land där man tror att ta hand om barn är inget för "verkliga" män... Jag pratade om det med en amerikansk kille vars pappa slutat jobba för att vara hemma med barnen, Enligt honom syntes det som helt konstigt. Det är fruktansvärt!
I am an American and I have never heard this phrase "gay nannies" in my life! I agree with the other posts here, it must be from some backward, Southern idiot... As far as men staying home to raise their kids, I know there are more women who do that, while the men earn the money for the family. But one must keep in mind that in our lousy health care system, men DO NOT get paternity leave, the way women do! So if a baby is born, the mom gets the time off but the men have to keep working. So unfair! I think places like Sweden have it RIGHT, giving BOTH parents time with their newborn!!
New York City
I don't think that is a fair statement. You can't take one person's experience and lump it together to mean a whole country. My husband works, and I stay home. That isn't because we have it in our heads that that is the only way. I have worked, and sometimes I miss it, but being at home and caring for my children right now is my work. It is important to me, and my family. Likewise, my husband goes and "brings home the bacon". I know families that do things differently than we do, and that is fine too. My husband spends as much time playing and caring for our children as I do. We share all the responsibilities we can. It makes me angry that people think they can lump me in with a group of closed-minded people. My brother in law in gay, and has a great partner and they are an important part of our life. Journalists will put what they think the readers will read in their articles. Too bad this journalist didn't stop by my house to see all the "gay nanniness" going on. Gretchen- OHIO-USA
I live in America, and as many have commented already, the issue of Gay Rights is still very heated here. While I'd say the tides are turning and things are changing, there is still a very old fashioned view on the matter.
However, I personally have never heard of the term "gay nannies" and at least where I live, I never got the feeling that fathers who stay at home to watch their children were looked-down upon.
But what shouldn't be forgotten about the US (and something I'm sure you've noticed, traveling here) is how large this country is. The cultures and opinions here are as vast as the entirety of Europe. Which is one major reason it takes so long for opinions to change among generations.
Just like with Women's Rights, and Civil Rights, eventually Gay Rights will be another Human Right of the past that is eventually seen as something that should have never been an issue.
Also, while I think of it, the idea of "gay nannies" is as much a sexist thing, as it is ignorance to homosexuals. I hate to say it, but that American was very ignorant and does not represent all Americans.
Hm,honestly,thats a little offensive to me seeing how i live here on america. There's plenty of fathers I know that take care of there children,not just moms do that. Mine doesnt,but thats because my dad doesnt give a shit about me,but i have plenty of friends dads who love to take care of there kids. And gay nannies? Really? Thats extremely rude of her to say. I hate when people try to make America look so bad,we are not that bad of a country!
Anyhow,enjoy your day,hugs to you.
I tried to answer the questions and the answers became so lengthy, I am going to try this another way.
Like Dennis,I have never heard of the phrase "gay nannies", *but* knowing the mentality of several close minded Americans, I can see how this phrase came about. That aside, I know several men that are involved in their children's lives. One is a stay at home dad, and one changed jobs to work at the school district his children are in so that he can have the holidays off with them, and be able to attend all of one son's sporting events (granted, this is not the exact same as "at home", but he proves that dads that don't stay at home are involved as well when so many use work as an excuse to not be involved). The children in my life have *several* "uncles" that will spend a day with them just because they want to - which is not common anymore. Of these "several uncles", only one is "gay".
As an American, I can honestly say that I am disturbed by the backwards thinking in this country that reflects on us negatively. But at the same time, I have to agree with "reub2000" since Arkansas is the most backwards state that I know of. :)
I think that is a very old fashioned way to look at things. Some people assume that women's places are in the home and that they are not suited to careers. However, it is already proven that women are very capable of having successful careers. Many are lawyers, business women and even famous entertainers.
I also think its sad to simply assume a man is a "gay nannie" just because he spends time with his children. Also, why does a male nannie instantly need to be "gay"? On top of that why can't gay men be asserted with any role that isn't feminine? Its such a narrow-minded world we live in. However I think we're moving in the right direction; Barrack Obama seems to be a positive leader for America, and I'm glad he wants equality for everyone, including allowing gay couples to marry.
What are your oppinions on this Anette? I like that you bring many issues to attention on your blog and its great to hear your feedback on things.
Have a lovely day! James x
I have never heard this term before but a father who takes care of his children and is at home with them is not gay. A child needs their father to do that. My dad is at home with my brothers a lot and he is definitely not gay...
This whole thing seems confusing...
By your comments and the things that you "wondered" about in this poem, makes you no less close-minded than the American friend that you chose to comment on. If, through your touring, you have taken a good look at American families, then you would realize that American fathers do spend a lot of time at home with their children, and love them no less than the mothers.
As for the "gay nannies" bit, blame the Hollywood culture where being a "gay nanny" is a stereotype that is advanced by the many reality shows that are broadcast domestically and internationally.
I was so disappointed with this particular post, since in your other posts you celebrate many different types of differences and you are a great campaigner to stop bullying.
Hi all;=) Nice to read your comments and of course I know there are for sure plenty of fathers in USA who are at home with their children;=) But when I read this I still think it was a really weird thing to say and I do believe here in Sweden we do have more equality than in many other parts of the world and for that, I am grateful;=) Sleep well now!
I am just going to keep it short and say that this week the biggest gay Italian magazine made a list of the most gay-friendly Countries,and Sweden was the first one.I truly and deeply envy your freedom.I can't wait to grow up,get a job,and move there.
Hope you're having a nice day,
The dead unicorn; Hi! That´s nice to hear;=) I think it´s great that we are so open here and when they had the annual QX gala some weeks ago, our own Crown princess Victoria, came to give away the award to this years "homosexual" and I believe THAT was a statement of how we have accepted homo and bisexuals here in Sweden;=) Sleep well now!
as a gay american I can say that at least in the cities
here,homosexuality is not viewed as a bad or sinful thing.I have been to more rural parts of of the country and they are a little more hostile towards homosexuals.
But I am not out of the closet yet. My friends and family have talked about that if someone they knew was gay that they would not care.
I know I can safely post this on here because none of my friends have a taste in good music because they have no idea who you are!
Have a nice day!
Cities are definitely much better, rural towns are harder to be gay in, I live in Australia, in a rural town, and it can be rough, but everyone who knows that I'm gay (gay girl obviously) has been very supportive to me since coming out (except I think my grandmother and aunty probably will insult me next time they see me), my parents and friends have been absolutely amazing about it.
I hope you are in a position where it isn't such an issue to come out to your friends and family, and just as some advice, go at your own pace, and when you're ready to come out, I hope your family and friends are as supportive as mine are.
Best of luck xo
And Anette, Sweden just sounds amazing for how accepting it is of gay, lesbian, bi and transgender people, sounds so much better than the rural town in Australia I live in, I have the concern that when I get a partner (finally get a girlfriend) that if we show our affection in public, like kiss or hold hands that we'd get harassed, but regardless that won't stop me from just telling anyone who does to kiss my arse haha.
That person doesn't represent America.
There are many "stay at home" dads, now more than ever, it is normal for the woman to keep working while the dad stays at home. The woman doesn't want to give up her career to stay at home with her children, and a lot of men actually love the idea of being at home with the kids. That's what I plan on doing when I have kids--I like working, and men in my generation tend to love kids.
A male nanny also isn't automatically gay, however, I can tell you that of all the male nannies I have met, they have all been gay. It's just a popular career for gay men, who knows why?
Please don't think that we Americans are *that* closed-minded. The average American can't afford an internation plane ticket to just "visit," this is was likely a rich spoiled American, especially who would say something so rude.
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