Friday, February 01, 2013

And now - about the Debate thing

As I promised, here´s my feelings after having watched the Debate show in TV yesterday:

So, about the whole Debate thing with the newly become mother who have been given the nice job to be the big host when we arrange the big FINALS in Eurovision song contest in may.

First of all, she is one of our biggest comedians in Sweden and she´s been hosting the show before, so she´s a good choice and she was the productions first choice and she got the question already in the summer, when she still was pregnant. Still, she didn´t want to sign the deal until the baby was out and she came december 21st. But she never hesitated, she says, to take the job. 

And most of the people´s voices are supporting her, but then, of course there are "some" who are living in old stereotypes and it just makes me so tired...

One of them is a journalist in our biggest newspaper, Aftonbladet, a middle-aged man who wrote this in a chronicle when her name came out:

"They chose Petra Mede. 
Somewhat of a "bomb".
First of all, no one had counted her in, since she just got to be a mother. No matter how much help she gets behind the curtains, it can obviously give some difficulties to concentrate if her daughter wakes up in the wrong mood"

Ok, so isn´t that a problem that every parent of small children struggles with, no matter if they are babies or 3 years old or 10 years old?? They can ALL wake up in a bad mood and make us go to our jobs with "difficulties to concentrate".

Or maybe this doesn´t apply to fathers? Only mothers?

Doesn´t fathers have concentration problems due to lack of sleep when their little babies are awake? 

No, of course not! I guess it´s OUR job, as mothers, to be awake in the nights, to step aside from career steps during the years of having small children and it is our job as a mother, to sit at home, be content over just being at home, while the father is out there, making a career, keeping his salary, his job and also gets to sleep all night long.

Yeah, that´s a perfect world! I really thought we had gotten further in the last 10 years since I got my first son, but apparently we haven´t. Luckily, not ALL men are like this and in this home, we are equals and when Nemo was 6 weeks, we placed him in the car, drove all the way to Finland, went by a boat to get there and slept in a "far away country" and I recorded the demo to a whole album. And I didn´t feel I had difficulties concentrating on the songs. As a matter of fact, I did a better job with the demo recordings than much later on, when I recorded the whole real album. 

We took breaks when he wanted food and his FATHER, who is a super good parent  took care of him;=)

Since Nemo was born, we have travelled MANY places with him, we´ve been going in a small little caravan car having new hotel rooms EVERY day and he´s even been on a metal cruise boat in the middle of a BIG ocean with lots of metal heads. He´s also been in Los Angeles going in the subway with us and believe me, I´ve been more scared than him during these trips. He still talks every day about our driver in Europe and the big car;=)

But isn´t it EVERY parents own choice to decide upon their lives and how we choose to divide parenting between us? Why all this judging, telling people how to live their lives and why shouldn´t mothers be able to live their dreams, also after giving birth? I know there´s still people who think a newly become mother can´t have a career and it saddens me. And I am sure Petra will have full support to do her job perfectly!

So all I have to say is that: dear Petra Mede - congratulations to the BIG job! I am so happy for you and I also want to give a big hand to the people behind choosing you for the job, who clearly are VERY equal and open minded in this issue;=)

Now- more coffee to wake me up! I wish you all a wonderful day!


Lucinda said...

You're right, it's crazy this kind of debate's still going on. It's like mothers are too unpredictable and unable to deal with their lives to go to work efficiently. No, no you can't trust a young mother, cause the moment she decided to have a kid, she ruined her career, pff X)

Well this kind of discourse is so silly. A woman is as able to handle her career AND family as a man (perhaps more, since some men don't feel like waking up in the middle of the night, but hopefully it's just another stereotype that I have in mind). And perhaps if people like this journalist stopped feeding the stereotypes, then we would be equal at last. I'm happy Mrs Mede got the job anyway!

Have a great day! (and now you said "coffee" I feel like I need one too haha!)


Océane said...

Too sad that in 2013 some people keep this vision of women!
But she is gonna prove them they are wrong and she can do a great job with a newborn! As you did with Imaginaerum and Nemo! :)
I bet you were quite upset yesterday in front of your TV! Hehe!

Have a great day sweetie!
Love and Hugs

Meghan H. said...

Really amazes me how some still have these mentalities that by today's standards seem so archaic. So glad we're no longer in the day where the norm is for us women to be submissive to men, and essentially just fulfil the old stereotype of barefoot and pregnant while serving a man.

But of course any parent regardless of whether it is a man or a woman could be distracted if these was some concern regarding their children, and certainly is just women who are so distracted automatically because they have children, and all this other bullshit used to argue that we shouldn't be able to work after having children.

Really pisses me off that people still have these attitudes, and the stereotypes of women being too emotional due to their children or whatever, and seemingly as well this attitude some have that men should be the ones working and women serving them, just what bullshit! The pendulum swings both ways, I thought most people were past this sort of garbage?

And Nemo sounds like a lucky boy to have been so many places, and to have such sweet parents ;)

I'm curious to ask, in Sweden is the culture particularly 'macho'? And is there also an issue with 'slut-shaming' or really just placing higher importance on female virginity rather than male virginity?

Curious, as over here in Australia, the culture is very 'macho', and there's also plenty of misogyny to boot.

Harrawrson said...

I agree. Seems like there has to be some other motive for their responses, because it's so hard to believe some people still think that way...

Also, you rode the subway here in LA? I'm used to riding busses and trains all the time here, but the subway is always a little eerie. :P

Lucinda said...

Hi again Anette,

I have a small request: could you tell me where you bought this amazing jacket you wore during the tour? It's just... perfect!!

Thanks a lot!!

Unknown said...

Hello Anette!

At first I musst say,that I think we all can live our live how we want.
And I think when a couple have litle childrens, you have to look at your children every secend. But that mean not,that a person can not go to work,mack a career or somthing. You can do what you want,but you have take care of your litle one. ;-)

And I musst also say taht I think also father can be stay at home or take care of the litle children. Not only mothers. Too have children is not only a job for the mother,also the father have to take care of his child and have to play with him, give him food or make a new diaper. It is a job for the father and for the mother. Both should work hand in hand and support each other.

I want say it is really,really great as you finishes that with Nemo. You take care of him everyday. You took him with you on tour and at the ship and that is great. Hard,but a very good job from you. And I think Nemo is very happy about it. :-)

Philippa said...

I think it's ridiculous that there should even be a debate about it. I mean, the fact that a woman has a baby or older children has nothing to do with whether she can do her job or not. So of course I'm glad that in spite of all this discussion that she can still be the presenter for the Eurovision Song Contest :)

Andrea said...

Amen to that! Mmmhm!!

Nalon said...

Happy Lunch-time Anette two in one;),

Yes, I understand you. We in Germany we have the same problem. Our family would like to minister to introduce such a "care allowance" for parents who do not give their KInder in a kindergarten and educate at home.
Three times you can guess who will remain at 90% at home? Yes the mother. :(

Because men deserve more than just women. And the time is not so that the money from one parent is sufficient.
Today, both parents need to work.

And I think you and Johan have been doing great.

Johan like many German fathers would spend more time with their children, but they usually have no choice and can not tolerate "parental leave" or the work does not enter the case. Because the boss still has the old family picture in your mind.
Parental leave can ever take a parent to care for the baby at this time.

I live in an area where many Muslims live. Nice people (most of them) but sometimes they really live even as it was 60, 70 years.
In the vocational school I once made a mistake and says that I'm still single. From there I had no peace. I always wanted a pair off with her ​​brother, cousin, or some other Muslim guy. After two months I asked annoyed, why do I need a Man​​?
The answer was: A woman needs a man, because a woman needs a man. I live in an area where many Muslims live. Nice people (most of them) but sometimes they really live even as it was 60, 70 years.
In the vocational school I once made a mistake and says that I'm still single. From there I had no peace. I always wanted a pair off with her ​​brother, cousin, or some other Muslim guy. After two months I asked annoyed, why do I need a Man​​?
The answer was: A woman needs a man, because a woman needs a man. So that the woman can then be home with the children.
My answer: We do not live in the 50 years. At home I can continue to do so for that I need no husband
It meant a: But then you're alone.
I: Then I'll get a dog from a shelter. I do not need your help. First I am not so keen to get out to Spouses and children. Second At first, you should have time in the moderns stable living conditions and only then start a family. Third I'm an adult and look for my own men
I will never forget their faces more.

But I think it has something to do with the church. Or did you see in the church even a statue of Joseph holding the baby Jesus? All I see is always Mary holding your child.
Even though the Church in the Modern life no longer has the place as a few years ago. Remains the image of woman as the church has influenced some hundred-year. Even if it is only subconsciously.

As I said before you and Johan are just great parents :)
I know some who had left her baby with her ​​relatives and would be so driven away. But you've just taken the kids and show him the world.

Have a nice day.


PS: For some time there was an incident in Cologne. The long occupied me. Here is the link. What do you think of the behavior of the hospitals?

TheDeadUnicorn said...

I'm so happy when you share your opinions of this kind of topics.It just shows how strong you are,and it makes me so proud!
And well,yes,sexism still lives.We're in 2013 and people still think (because of the culture,because of what they've been taught,because of the messages TV/magazines send us) that women can't have the same rights as man,and that we're supposed to stay at home,take care of babies,cook,clean,all that jazz.You know why?because it's easy that way.It's more convenient,handy,that way.A female that thinks,writes,or has a career,is seen as a dangerous creature.I just don't understand why's that.Who the fuck decided that being a girl is a bad thing?Who said that males are superior,deserve more rights,that they're the strong ones,and the only ones who can have deep thoughts?It makes me sick,that in today's society,women are still treated like inferior beings.As a female,it makes me feel bad,lonely,hopeless.It makes me feel like I'm in a cage,and I won't ever be able to run away from it,because this freaking sexist culture has been on the planet since the beginning.I don't know,it doesn't even make me angry,mad or upset any more.It's just sad.Knowing that somewhere,anywhere,there's a person who thinks I'm less than my male classmates,merely because I have a vagina.I have to admit,I can't count the times sexism triggered me to the point of cutting.
Ignorance hurts so much.
I'm glad we have people like you who stand up.
I love you,

Karin said...

Yes, isn't it so that the mother knows best! If she thinks she can do it, she does it ! And yes, the baby has a father, or whoever , who can take care of it. I cannor do but wonder about some people, when they want to restrict womens doings just because they have a baby. Sometimes really, you can do things better when you have that baby, and you know it is just fine ! And on the other hand . It is so good for the baby and the mother to do own things also, not being attached to eachother all the time. Both will survive ! !!!
It is just so strange people even have to debate about these things!