Thursday, August 21, 2014

In the happiest of eyes...

….someone can hide the darkest and sadest stories.

Hi all,

I have been away for a week to a lovely warm and sunny Crete in Greece and had such happy moments that cannot be described. When I came there I was so stressed, suffered from insomnia and were totally full of worries in my head every single night and day. 
The first nights we came down I had tons of bad dreams, nightmares and I couldn't understand why I now on vacation had nightmares? In this beautiful paradise? 

After 3 days the nightmares were gone, I was filled with a warm fussy feeling of joy, love and happiness and no stress. Even if I did some work down there I didn't feel any stress…

Yesterday when I knew I was heading home that stress came back. Anxiety, nervousness and my insomnia. Again, I lied awake half night and then nightmares the rest of the night…

And now I´m home and already stressed again with all those things many of us worries about every day. Bills, money, leaving our kids long days in kindergarden/school due to our working hours/studies and so on. We all have our own little "hells" to live day by day and even if not every day is filled with stress or darker sides they will be there from time to time during the life we live here on this Earth.

When I heard about Robin Williams tragic suicide and depression I felt the typical sadness that a person can be like a clown - happy face on the outside but so dark and sad on the inside. And it´s always shocking to many to see a seemingly happy person falling down in to a depression. The happy one that always were the one to make jokes and making others happy suddenly is the one that never laughs, that has such sadness and emptiness in the eyes and no matter how you try to help the person can't get up.

I´ve been in a dark period myself where I really didn't see any light anymore. Where life had made me filled with darkness and the happy person I was and is by nature, was just gone. People around me who knew me couldn't understand who I was anymore and it took a long time to get out of the darkness and step into the light again and getting the will to continue living and walking this earth for some years more.

When I think about how many there is that we believe have "everything" - fame, money, love, beautiful children and so on - but in truth they are so miserable, depressed and filled with anxiety about life that they do not show anyone, it makes me so sad. That we can't help, that they just can't get out of the dark spot and get back to us in time before its to late. That they are lost forever. Lovely people who really left us to early due to that darkness… It saddens me and I wish that if anyone out there feeling they are in that dark dark place and need help - please talk to someone. Don´t feel ashamed to seek help. There are great medicines, therapies and most of all - people who CAN help! Let others help you to get out into the LIGHT. Depression is a really hard thing to struggle with by yourself.

Robin Williams - you were such an amazing person in all your lovely characters in TV and the big screen and I will surely miss you in this world. 

R.I.P. Robin Williams


Vicky ♡ said...

I don't know, your post made me cry. Not because of Robin or anything but because of the end of that last bigger paragraph.
It's so said so easily.
"Let others help you to get out into the light."
Sure others can help but in the end you have to get out of "the darkness" by yourself because it is in your mind, it's your feelings, your thoughts and you know them best. No other person could possibly imagine what another is going through (I always like to quote "Song of Myself" lyrics for this) even if the experienced similar things. It's hard to explain, I guess. I don't even know. And I don't know what the point of this comment is now. Whatever, idk, I'm sorry.

Tomás said...

Dear Anette, I know how you feel... all of us have been through bad moments, and they feel really horrible; I, for example, felt that my world were falling beneath my feet, and what were worst, I felt my own family was not even supporting me; my classmates hated me and my last year of High School was the worst, by their fault I got in troubles; I used to be so sad and I was in my room with the lights off, curtins down and the air conditioner the coolest possible. When the conditon got worst, I just thought that I wasn't been truthful with myself, and I started to act with other people by a way I think they deserved to be, and it is working on me. What I want to tell you is sometimes you have to act by a way that you are sure with yourelf, even if you have to send to hell some people that deserves it. Maybe Robin Williams didn't feel someone was taking care of him, although he had a lots of fans that loved him. It so sad, I liked him as an actor and as person he also was good... RIP

I told you that because you mean a lot to me because you are not the typical famous singer... You take are of us, answer our comments and always talking to us.

When you are sad, remember that you have a BIG LOT of people that loves you, from yout 3 sons that love you totally to your loyal and real fans.

Keep shining! We love you

XxBriannaxX said...

Yea, sometimes it feels hard to get by day by day. I feel like giving up every once and a while but that's when you have to stop and think of what you have to live for. You are loved by so many, you are beautiful, your family is beautiful, and you are such an amazing person. Whenever you feel overwhelmed, just close your eyes and think of every reason you have to pull through and be strong. I hope that your nightmares go away, I have them too. But don't let them, or anything bring you down. Shine on, beautiful <3
I love you. Big warm Hugs!

Hep-Hep Steff said...

you really moved me.... it must not be funny for you at the moment.
on my own, it's been 35 years that i live in the darness... of course there is lighter moments, hopefully. but there's still dark clouds upon my head, and i couldn't see them moving.. knowing what will be my life the day i'll be alone (without my mother), i know it will be one of my darkest moments. i try not to think about it, but sometimes... it's been years that i have many nightmares per night, and not many quiet nights. of course i sleep, and without any meds as well... but it's so hard that i returned to sleep with a teddy bear a beloved friend gave me.
i try to speak as much as i could. be being asperger (something that what diagnosed only a few months ago, not yet a year) i have hard time to tell my deepest feelings... and there is things that are so horrible that i still don't know how to tell them. how could you explain that your father was a grave robber, and that the bones he stole was on my path, in a litteral way, to go to my summer childhood bedroom? this at least is understandable... what is less understandable is that while walking with this bones on my sides, i had the feeling that i was not alone, and it wasn't a nice feeling.... it's been 30 years that i live with this. 35 years since i was scalped, as well, and i remember how it happened - and how my mother left me when i asked her to stay, the moment i woke up after my operation, my head still so painful and heavy.... it's been 21 years that i've been raped, and it was the first time.... this is the things i could speak and tell, even if it's not easy. but the things i couldn't speak are much moore, and some of them are as hard as this.... i do not wish my life to my worst ennemy. i don't know how it will end, but the day i will be unable to deal with the pain of my life, i think i'll chose to end it my own way. my friends lives too far away from me, i have a phone phobia (even if i am happy to speak with my friends, it's hard to pick it up), and it's just so hard to go outside..... even if i do it from time to time. i'm happy that i will go to see and hear diane tell in october 3, after the beging of july... she's a very nice and lovely person, as well as talented artist.
i finish with this lighter words... i just want to add that i'm glad there's people like you in this world, thank you for being here for us. you have no idea how your songs could help and you soothing voice could calm a broken heart. thank you my sweet anette <3

Unknown said...

Anette ... I believe that all people have encountered or will encounter the dark side of life and therein lies the crux. If the person is feeling lonely without the slightest hint that there is a minimum security, it can get lost in this "world" parallel and full of pitfalls. When all seems lost, senseless, pale, unjust, frightening or things like that, just think of someone who might be on our side, the one person who could save us. The void that the heart feels really exists and is void from the lack of a person, a place, a condition of an achievement, and more. Feel alone in the crowd is cruel in my opinion, is to have the grandeur of an elephant inside a helpless little mouse is having so many qualities and joys, but are worthless in the eyes of others, is to be able to understand to themselves and not other people, is to realize that everything would be more friendly if all paracem complicate is to know that differences exist to complete and no one cares ... the dark side of life has a purpose make us understand how the illuminated side is valuable and important. Have the courage to ask for help is so hard because we have to expose what leaves us vulnerable, it seems more a threat than a help. Hugs to all the people who have been on the dark side of life and had the chance to return to the light and very good luck to those who are trying to get back, never give up living

Unknown said...

Anette ... the love that comes from people who do not know, looks more like admiration and identification for some reason that is apparent, since the love of giving, auele that only very close people can give us, but this makes all the difference in times when "a person is only herself" ... wish you all the love that the people who live beside you can donate and you can repay without fear ... be happy because the joys are fleeting Kisses ... for you, you can get rid of bad thoughts and nightmares and their problems become challenges overcome

Anonymous said...

Depression ( real depression ) is characterized by constant, intense feelings of sadness for no actual reason. Therefore it doesn't matter how successful you are or how many blessings life has bestowed onto you, nobody's safe as anyone can become affected by it at any time in their life... I'm lucky as I've never suffered from it and hope I never do. What it's capable of doing to people is absolutely fucking horrific.

RIP Robin Williams

Pascal said...

Hej and first of all, welcome back Anette! I´m happy you had a great vacation and are back now safely :).

This is again a very great post with an important topic. I agree on every word and I understand what you are talking about. Because I, well I wouldn´t say that I suffer from depression directly, but I also have those days, hours, moments, whatever where all just seems dark and hopeless. Maybe not so frequent as when you have depressions, but it comes and it´s really a bad feeling. It brings those moments with it where you just have no idea where to go, what to do, you see no perspective how your future shall look like, how it could become well, how you can reach for the things you dream for. It just seems so hopeless then. And I really hate this times, but the good thing is, as they come, they also go again.

But at some people I think they just don´t go away by time. They live constantly in that state and see no way to get out. I personally am very positive by nature, so I´m that kind of person that when I´m really down and feel depressed, sad and hopeless, after a while I can pluck up courage again and say to myself that all will be well, that there will be times when all is as it should be and then I´m happy again through this thoughts and this hope. But I feel really sorry for those who just can´t get out of their own hell, their inner prison, not even for a while. And yes, you are right, they should take help but I know people who just don´t. For example I know a girl who also suffers from depressions, insomnia and more things. She went into my class last year and sometimes, she just started crying, all for a sudden. When you asked her what´s wrong, why is she crying she said she just doesn´t know, it just came without reason. Sometimes you could see her sleeping while the lessons, and that happened frequently and when I saw her lying on her desk in the break one day and obviously trying to get sleep, she told me that she can´t find sleep at night and therefore is tired during the day. But the thing is, she didn´t accept any help on that issues. Me and other friends, teachers, we all advised her to make a therapy, but she told that she had already made that some time ago and it didn´t use anything. Her boyfriend asked her to take medicine, but she refused to that and they argued about it. She asked me about my opinion and I said, as it was, that I can understand her if she is afraid to take medicine, but that I can also understand her boyfriend who cares about her and wants that she is alright, so I advised her to try it at least, because there is also good medicine which can really help, but I think she never did. Last time I met her she seemed alright at least and her boyfriend told me that in the holidays now, she is in Hongkong (she originally comes from China). I can only hope that she is alright.

Unfortunately, cases like that are not too seldom and it´s difficult to help people out who suffer like this if you are no expert. The case of Robin Williams is also really sad, I didn´t know so much about him until he died, but then they bring of course lots of interviews and so on TV and to me it seems that he was a great and friendly person. R.I.P. Robin Williams, the world lost a good man and a talented actor.

Talking about these things is nothing happy, but necessary. I thank you a lot Anette for keeping up this important topics and sharing your thoughts with us! And believe me, I´m really happy for you that you managed to come out of your terrible darkness you mentioned. You are such a great person and deserve the best! Lots of hugs to you!

matotu said...

I really like your posts. You are a wise woman. Thank you for inspiration.
BTW I was in Crete 2 years ago and I loved it.

MusicOfTheNight said...

Dearest Anette,
Unfortunately I know very well what you are talking about. I also have suffered from depression (including health problems, insomnia, eating problems etc.), and I mean real depression, not just having a hard week, or sth. I was lost for a few years and felt miserable. Luckily I have the most caring and loving wonderful family and friends who pulled me out from the dungeon hole I stayed into for a long time. I hope it will not happen to me again, and I hope that it wouldn't happen to anybody, because it's pain and sorrow not only from the one that suffers, but also hor his/her loved ones. And no matter what you do, even when you have got over your problem, the terrifying memory remains and haunts you.

It's a pity when one is drown into sadness how beautiful things in life that pass around are not noticed and missed...
I wish you the best of life, a lot of luck, love and days filled with joy that will make you SHINE!
You are a wonderful person,
Take care,

Karin said...

You wrote that so well. I really don't know what to say but , yes you are right, so right, and you captured a lot in that text. Thank you for writing about important things, thank you for sharing and caring .