These last weeks in the pregnancy are always a bit of an up hill. The belly is heavy, the premature contractions are getting stronger and more painful and the mood is like a roller coaster. Crying easily and the thing I LACK that I always have had to struggle with in life is to have PATIENCE;=)
It´s days like the last days, that I call my mother, a very wise dear mother, and say to her that I HATE to have such bad patience with things. And as the wise mother she is, she says I just have to accept that I have to learn to wait for things and be OK with that.
I am 41 years old but still I am like that little 7 year old girl who had problems with waiting. Like when it was the day before x-mas eve and the x-mas gifts were all wrapped up and put under the x-mas tree. Just lying there, teasing me. Calling on me to just take a sneak-peak and see what was inside while everyone was asleep...
And even if I KNEW I shouldn´´t, I always opened the sides on some gift and looked inside to see what it was. Was it my dear Barbie I had wished for?
As I opened the side and saw what was inside, I felt guilty. Like a traitor. Like God would punish me for not being able to WAIT just one more day. And then the whole thing felt so bad and I felt like a looser. And I decided that NEXT x-mas, I wouldn´t cheat and look beforehand. And that I would LEARN to have patience and wait for things to happen.
NOW - at 41 years of age, I can honestly tell you that I still have problems with WAITING! I hate it! I want things to happen NOW!;=)
I am sure, that even when I am 80 years old, I´d be struggling with this "bad vice" of mine. And well, somewhere deep inside I feel that this "curiosity" that it really is -a curiousity to life, to what will come, to what will happen and to how the rest of my life will look like, is kinda nice too.
Cause what if I didn´t care. What if I didn´t stribe forward, always looking ahead, but backwards. What if I just stopped and was "content". Then so many things that I have been through in life would never had happened.
And THAT would be much worse than struggling with my BAD PATIENCE! (maybe a new song title, hehe;=)